Christine O'Donnell Foiled By Shake Weight

It has been revealed that anti-masturbation Delaware Senate candidate, Christine O'Donnell, is a huge proponent of the Shake Weight. Although she vehemently denies these allegations, fitness experts claim they have only seen bigger forearms on Chuck Norris. "I used to watch her use that thing 4, maybe 5 hours a day," says a source. "I'd tell her, 'Christine, you gotta stop, that just isn't healthy.' But she'd keep right on a-shakin'."

American Reactions: J.D. Salinger Dies

J.D. Salinger passed away, today, at the age of 91. He was most famous for his novel The Catcher in the Rye. "He was famous for other things, too," his son, D.J. Salinger said. "Gosh I can't think of any off the top of my head, right now, though. Hold on, let me go look at his Wikipedia page."

                    American Reactions

"Whaaaaa?! He died? Man, I thought that nigga died years ago."
-Rayvon "The Navigator" Johnson

"Good gracious, I thought he died years ago."
-Jerry Lee Lewis

"Whaaaaa?! Jerry Lee Lewis?! Man, I thought that nigga died in 1958 or somethin'"
-Rayvon "The Navigator" Johnson