ROXANNE, CA--Steven Peters was fired on Friday, when his boss, Mike Howard, received an anonymous email with a link to a singles ad that Peters had put up the night before.
"I was just checking my morning emails," said Howard, who was working on his laptop, "when I came across one from someone I didn't know. The only thing that made me open it was the subject. It read 'STEVEN PETERS IS A GODDAMN RACIST MOTHER----' I don't wish to repeat the rest. Anyways, when I opened it, all there was was a link, so I clicked on it and it brought me to the Roxanne Review online singles ads. And that's where I found this."
Howard turned his laptop around to show us the page. On it was a picture of Peters standing on a stage, with a microphone in his hand, and beneath it read:
LOTS OF LAUGHS: Striving comedian, looking for a nice Jewish girl, who is part black, part Asian, part Mexican, part Middle Eastern, part Indian [red dot, not feather], and part-whatever other race that will keep me from being called a racist if I were to tell a joke about that race. 909 ### ####.
Howard admits being perplexed as to what to do upon reading the ad. "I didn't want to fire him. Peters is a hard-worker and a great guy. But that ad just made him sound like a goddamn racist motherfu--sorry I almost got carried away there. It made him sound bad. And I have several nice, hard-working African American men and women--who are honest, I've never seen them steal anything. I've got several of them working for me. They're great. So I didn't want them to feel weird. So, I fired him."
"I was just checking my morning emails," said Howard, who was working on his laptop, "when I came across one from someone I didn't know. The only thing that made me open it was the subject. It read 'STEVEN PETERS IS A GODDAMN RACIST MOTHER----' I don't wish to repeat the rest. Anyways, when I opened it, all there was was a link, so I clicked on it and it brought me to the Roxanne Review online singles ads. And that's where I found this."
Howard turned his laptop around to show us the page. On it was a picture of Peters standing on a stage, with a microphone in his hand, and beneath it read:
LOTS OF LAUGHS: Striving comedian, looking for a nice Jewish girl, who is part black, part Asian, part Mexican, part Middle Eastern, part Indian [red dot, not feather], and part-whatever other race that will keep me from being called a racist if I were to tell a joke about that race. 909 ### ####.
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| Peters, on stage at Roxanne Baptist Church, warming up the crowd for bingo night. |
Peters didn't have much to say when asked for his opinion about the situation. "Oh, it's just a bunch of bull----! I can't believe it. If that ad proves anything, it proves I'm not a racist. I mean, I want a girl who is all those races. I want to embrace her. For everything that she is. Besides, comics do this kind of thing all the time. Look at Ray Louis. He's been married 5 times. To who? Once to a black chick, once to an Asian chick, once to a Mexican chick, and two times to Arab women. Now he's dating a Jew! At least I'm trying to do it all in one shot!"
Howard has made no efforts at re-hiring Peters, and he doesn't plan to, something that Peters has no qualms about. "I'm done working there. It's time to focus on my real career. Telling jokes. I just have to find my wife, first. I can't tell any of the jokes I want to tell right now. They all make me sound like a goddamn racist motherfu----. And I'm not! I swear!"
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